For years, I thought my weekends were helping me recover.

By Friday afternoon, I’d already mentally checked out of work.

I’d tell myself:

• “You’ve earned this.”
• “Time to unwind.”
• “Couple of drinks won’t hurt.”

So after work, I’d do the shop.

And alcohol was always included.

Not just Fridays either, most shopping trips included it, but Friday felt justified. It marked the end of the week.

At the time, it all felt normal.

But looking back now, every weekend followed the same pattern.

Friday night became “recovery mode.”

Saturday morning started slowly.

The jobs list I’d been motivated about on Friday morning suddenly didn’t seem important anymore.

Excuses appeared:

• “I’ll do it later.”
• “I’m tired.”
• “It can wait.”

Saturday afternoon disappeared into watching sport.

Saturday evening? Another drink because it had apparently been “a long week.”

Then came Sunday.

The anxiety about Monday slowly started creeping in.

Instead of enjoying the final day of the weekend, my head was already back at work.

And underneath that anxiety was another feeling: frustration.

Because deep down, I knew I’d wasted another weekend.

Not in dramatic fashion. Not by doing anything outrageous.

Just by slowly drifting through it.

That’s what self-sabotage looked like for me.

Not chaos. Not rock bottom.

Just repeatedly choosing short-term comfort over the things that would have genuinely improved my life.

The hardest part to admit?

Most of those weekends weren’t even social.

I was usually at home with family.

And while I was tired from work, they were tired from the routine.

Because this wasn’t occasional.

It was every single week. Non-negotiable.

Then Sunday night arrived.

And because Monday morning was getting closer, I’d drink again to “relax.”

By Monday morning, I was operating at about 60%.

Foggy. Flat. Unmotivated.

And somehow I convinced myself this was normal adult life.

It wasn’t until I stopped drinking that I finally asked myself a question I’d avoided for years:

Why did I need alcohol every weekend just to cope with life?

That question changed everything.

On Monday, I’ll share what weekends look like for me now, and why removing alcohol gave me far more than just sobriety.